Turbo Button
Posted by Windy DBA at 1/9/2008 11:02 PM and is filed under uncategorized 
This is an old story and one I could have repeated many times over the years.
There was an application developer who was testing one of his queries (amazing) and while he was waiting, asked if there was anything I can do to help the query run faster that he was running. So instead of giving the usual answer of looking at the execution plan and optimizing it, I told him he should hit the turbo button. This would help speed up his query on the server by 50%. After a brief 30 seconds of trying to show him the fake key strokes, I said, 'There is no turbo button smart developer (different words were used), try performance tuning your query.
It is amazing that a developer would think he could hit a button to increase the speed of their code. It makes you really think about what they view as reality when it comes to optimizing the code.
There was an application developer who was testing one of his queries (amazing) and while he was waiting, asked if there was anything I can do to help the query run faster that he was running. So instead of giving the usual answer of looking at the execution plan and optimizing it, I told him he should hit the turbo button. This would help speed up his query on the server by 50%. After a brief 30 seconds of trying to show him the fake key strokes, I said, 'There is no turbo button smart developer (different words were used), try performance tuning your query.
It is amazing that a developer would think he could hit a button to increase the speed of their code. It makes you really think about what they view as reality when it comes to optimizing the code.
Wow... That's just being a BSOFH... DBA's keep trying to train developers to seek out DBA's for help and you pull a stunt like that... that developer will never trust you ever again.
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Yeah we get this kind of crap from our DBA's all the time. optimising a query required specialist knowledge that programmers just do not come across, or get trained in. We positively avoid the DBA at our place, he's just an ogre that STOPS anything happening, so there are all sorts of ways to bypass him in the chain of things, The boss knows this and insists on having the sa passwords, which he gives to developers at his discretion because he knows there will be no help from the DBA
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/* Recruit a DBA */
-- Create the post
DECLARE @DBAPost TABLE (
[Name] varchar(50) Default 'Dave',
Qualifications INT NOT NULL,
HeadSize BigInt,
SocialSkills TinyInt )
-- and get the best candidate
INSERT INTO @DBAPost
SELECT [Name], Qualifications, HeadSize, SocialSkills
FROM dbo.Candidates
WHERE Qualifications IN (SELECT TOP(10) PERCENT Qualifications FROM dbo.Candidates)
AND HeadSize IN (SELECT TOP(5) PERCENT HeadSize FROM dbo.Candidates)
AND SocialSkills is null
-- anyone fit the bill?
IF (SELECT COUNT(*) FROM @DBAPost) = 0
EXEC spu_GetMoreCandidates
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Hilarious. I think you could swap out DBA with programmer, manager, CEO...the possibilities are endless.
I think you need to add in additional columns for things like "willing to work each and every night and weekend".
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